For 2 days we have been taking Millie out for the day and not even using pull-ups. She is 17 months old and has officially gradutated to full-time big-kids underwear. She uses the toilet in restaurants, malls, shops or wherever we are.
I am still working on keeping her dry through the nights (between 11pm and 5am there are still sometimes accidents), but will keep posting on the progress.
When we are out of the house, it is interesting to see people discover that she is not wearing diapers...they look at me accusingly - "Isn't she a bit young not to be wearing diapers?"
It is as if I'm a bad parent for "pushing" her too young. Are you kidding me? Isn't it worse to mislead your child to beleive that they should do their pees and poos in chemical filled pants?
She is capable of learning, she is proud to have learned and is very turned off by the idea of having an accident.
Many people have been asking how we did it, so I thought I would just write out our story. If it works for someone else - great. If not, maybe there are parts of it that will work for you.
When I first decided to try early potty training, I found lots of material on potty training infants (yes, google it) and lots on potty training 2-3 year olds. There wasn't much on how to explain the concept to a 14-18 month old. So, we took a pratical approach - and it worked!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Nights, DayCare and Fully Trained by 18 months
Millie is now 2 years old (last week!) and I just realized that I never really finished this story. She has been fully potty trained since she was 18 months old and it has been months since her last accident. It truely was a success!
After about a month of her being dry during the day, her daycare permitted her to wear her underwear instead of pull-ups. This was a great step!
Approximately 6 weeks after she was dry during the day, we started to work on nights. We got rid of the pull-ups completely. For about a week, she had an accident in her bed every 2nd night (yep, we get up and change the sheets), but after the week or so, she learned seemed to learn that she could not pee in her bed if she wanted to be dry. She then learned to wake up and ask to pee.
Now at age 2, she sleeps from 8pm until 7am without getting up to pee! Full nights!
After about a month of her being dry during the day, her daycare permitted her to wear her underwear instead of pull-ups. This was a great step!
Approximately 6 weeks after she was dry during the day, we started to work on nights. We got rid of the pull-ups completely. For about a week, she had an accident in her bed every 2nd night (yep, we get up and change the sheets), but after the week or so, she learned seemed to learn that she could not pee in her bed if she wanted to be dry. She then learned to wake up and ask to pee.
Now at age 2, she sleeps from 8pm until 7am without getting up to pee! Full nights!
Conclusion
Overall, potty training was much harder than I thought it would be, but I don't think it is easy no matter when you start. There are so many 3 and 4 year olds still in pull-ups that it is evidence that waiting until later is not necessarily best, nor any easier.
I strongly believe that between 12 and 18 months is the best time. By this age, the child is mature enough to learn the concept, but not quiet at the stage where he is rebelling. Our parents were all potty trained by 12 months. Pampers and Huggies want us to think it is impossible. Millie and I have just proved them wrong. Way to go Millie!
If you have started, keep trying! It is not something that happens over night (3 weeks for us) and successes will slowly come. Millie is so happy and proud of her ability to go in her potty.
Every accident was worth it to get to this point.
I strongly believe that between 12 and 18 months is the best time. By this age, the child is mature enough to learn the concept, but not quiet at the stage where he is rebelling. Our parents were all potty trained by 12 months. Pampers and Huggies want us to think it is impossible. Millie and I have just proved them wrong. Way to go Millie!
If you have started, keep trying! It is not something that happens over night (3 weeks for us) and successes will slowly come. Millie is so happy and proud of her ability to go in her potty.
Every accident was worth it to get to this point.
Step Seven - Night Time
I get Millie out of bed to pee just before I go to sleep at 11pm. Then she usually wakes up and askes to pee at 6am. She stays dry in between about half of the nights. The other half, if she does pee in her sleep, she is now waking up and crying to be changed. She hates the idea of being wet!
I think soon she will stop having accidents during the night because she does not like to be wet. We also need to reduce her milk intake before she sleeps...which is our current task of the week!
I think soon she will stop having accidents during the night because she does not like to be wet. We also need to reduce her milk intake before she sleeps...which is our current task of the week!
Step Six - Outside the home
From the first day, within our house and just outside, we only used underwear for her. But, at night and when we go out, we use pull-ups. She also uses pull-ups at daycare - where she also has and uses her own potty.
If she has an accident, we change her immediately so she gets the idea that she is not supposed to be wet. We check the pull-up often and say "oh, dry Millie, good job!".
For the first 10 days or so, we brought the potty everywhere we went and put her on it everytime she said peepee. Then oneday we were out shopping and I had forgot the potty. I sat her on the big toilet (big potty) in the bathroom and she went pee! From that day, we have just been stopping at public bathrooms for her when we are out.
Since we know she can now hold it, we are now telling her "No Millie. No Peepee. Wait" when she needs to go and we are not yet at a washroom. We usually can find something withing 5 minutes and prevent accidents. She holds it until she is on the toilet.
Step Seven - Night Time
If she has an accident, we change her immediately so she gets the idea that she is not supposed to be wet. We check the pull-up often and say "oh, dry Millie, good job!".
For the first 10 days or so, we brought the potty everywhere we went and put her on it everytime she said peepee. Then oneday we were out shopping and I had forgot the potty. I sat her on the big toilet (big potty) in the bathroom and she went pee! From that day, we have just been stopping at public bathrooms for her when we are out.
Since we know she can now hold it, we are now telling her "No Millie. No Peepee. Wait" when she needs to go and we are not yet at a washroom. We usually can find something withing 5 minutes and prevent accidents. She holds it until she is on the toilet.
Step Seven - Night Time
Step Five - Get Smart about it
So, after the 1st time Millie was pretty happy, but she still didn't know that she could control the release of the pee. It took about 5 days before she finally realised that if she thought about it, she could go pee on the potty. It was so exciting!
When this break-through happened we all celebrated even more. She had figured it out! At this point, she started asking to go peepee. She would say "peepee", we put her on the potty and within a minute or so, she would go.
Now, she started to realise that if she said "peepee" we would jump up, stop everything we were doing and get her on the potty. It became a game for her, but we played it anyway. Sometimes she would go, sometimes she wouldn't. It only lasted a couple of days before she became bored of the game and only asked for peepee when she really needed to go.
At this point, she also learned to "hold it". Now, we had to start watching her and making her stop to go pee every 2 hour or so. She got so good at holding it, she would go hours without going.
Millie's first poo in the potty came one evening when she was supposed to be in bed. She had not poo'd all day, and she asked from her bed to go peepee. We put her potty in her dark room (so she still knew it was not play time, but bedtime) and sat her down as we usually do at night. We left the room for 2 minutes (keeping 1 eye on her through a crack to make sure she stayed sitting and did not get up to play). During this private time, she did her poo in the potty. What a celebration after!!!
Now, she still will not poo in front of us, but will go if she is given privacy. Not sure why, but she likes it this way.
In the last couple of days, it has not been necessary to give her stickers anymore. She doesn't look for the celebration after her pees either. It has just become a part of her day...time for peepees on the potty.
Step Six - Outside the home
When this break-through happened we all celebrated even more. She had figured it out! At this point, she started asking to go peepee. She would say "peepee", we put her on the potty and within a minute or so, she would go.
Now, she started to realise that if she said "peepee" we would jump up, stop everything we were doing and get her on the potty. It became a game for her, but we played it anyway. Sometimes she would go, sometimes she wouldn't. It only lasted a couple of days before she became bored of the game and only asked for peepee when she really needed to go.
At this point, she also learned to "hold it". Now, we had to start watching her and making her stop to go pee every 2 hour or so. She got so good at holding it, she would go hours without going.
Millie's first poo in the potty came one evening when she was supposed to be in bed. She had not poo'd all day, and she asked from her bed to go peepee. We put her potty in her dark room (so she still knew it was not play time, but bedtime) and sat her down as we usually do at night. We left the room for 2 minutes (keeping 1 eye on her through a crack to make sure she stayed sitting and did not get up to play). During this private time, she did her poo in the potty. What a celebration after!!!
Now, she still will not poo in front of us, but will go if she is given privacy. Not sure why, but she likes it this way.
In the last couple of days, it has not been necessary to give her stickers anymore. She doesn't look for the celebration after her pees either. It has just become a part of her day...time for peepees on the potty.
Step Six - Outside the home
Step Four - Getting the pee in the Potty
On the second day, I started to tell Millie to "stop" when she was peeing in her underwear. And say "wait, wait" as I pulled down her wet underwear and put her on the potty. I would then say "Peepees go in the potty Millie, not in your underwear".
At first she wouldn't stop peeing, but after a couple of tries she would. She still wouldn't put any pee in the potty.
On the second day, I tried to "catch" a pee. This means, I started to put her on for potty time more often when I knew she had to go. It didn't work until day 3, but we did eventually catch one. I found just before she would pee, she would get very upset...then she would pee. I kept her on the potty even if she was upset (but only for a maximum of 2 minutes) and eventually caught a pee.
HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: When we finally had a pee in the potty, we all acted like we had just been told we had won a million dollars. We acted more excited than we had ever shown to Millie ever before. We hugged her, danced with her, tickled her and made her feel very important. We showed her how we took her peepee to the big potty (toilet) and dumped it. It was quiet the event. The new stickers then came out. Millie was aloud to pick one out and stick it to her potty. She was very happy.
For Poos, Millie didn't do one in the potty for 2 weeks. Everytime she would poo, we would take the dirty underwear and say in a sad voice "Oh, Millie...poopoos go in the potty, not in your underwear". We would then dump the poo into the potty and in a slightly more content voice say "They we go. That is where poopoo go. Next time you put the poopoo in the potty". We would then go flush the poo in the big potty and say goodbye to it. No big deal, no big party.
Step Five - Get Smart about it
At first she wouldn't stop peeing, but after a couple of tries she would. She still wouldn't put any pee in the potty.
On the second day, I tried to "catch" a pee. This means, I started to put her on for potty time more often when I knew she had to go. It didn't work until day 3, but we did eventually catch one. I found just before she would pee, she would get very upset...then she would pee. I kept her on the potty even if she was upset (but only for a maximum of 2 minutes) and eventually caught a pee.
HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: When we finally had a pee in the potty, we all acted like we had just been told we had won a million dollars. We acted more excited than we had ever shown to Millie ever before. We hugged her, danced with her, tickled her and made her feel very important. We showed her how we took her peepee to the big potty (toilet) and dumped it. It was quiet the event. The new stickers then came out. Millie was aloud to pick one out and stick it to her potty. She was very happy.
For Poos, Millie didn't do one in the potty for 2 weeks. Everytime she would poo, we would take the dirty underwear and say in a sad voice "Oh, Millie...poopoos go in the potty, not in your underwear". We would then dump the poo into the potty and in a slightly more content voice say "They we go. That is where poopoo go. Next time you put the poopoo in the potty". We would then go flush the poo in the big potty and say goodbye to it. No big deal, no big party.
Step Five - Get Smart about it
Step Three - Do the Laundry
In the afternoon of the first day, I introduced the "big girl underwear". I told Millie that now that she is a big girl, that she will be wearing big girl underwear instead of diapers and that she will now have to do her pees and poos in the potty. I don't think she understood this, but we repeated it many times a day and now (2 weeks later) she understands perfectly!
When I put the underwear on her, I took her hand and showed her how nice and dry they were. I told her that she must try to keep them dry.
SIDE NOTE: We still decided to use pull-ups for nights and for when we were outside of the home. I don't think she really knew the difference since they go on the same way.
Back to the first day. We continue the potty time and observation time. Now, when Millie peed the underwear would obviously be soaked. This time I would say pretend to be discusted and say "Oh, Millie...yuck, wet underwear. Yuck, Millie". I showed her they were wet. Changed her without saying anything else and put on dry underwear. I would again show her how nice and dry her underwear were. Periodically, through out the day, I would touch her underwear with her hand and say "Wow Millie! Nice dry Underwear. You are doing a good job keeping them dry."
During the nights, we put on a pull-up.
Onto Step Four...
When I put the underwear on her, I took her hand and showed her how nice and dry they were. I told her that she must try to keep them dry.
SIDE NOTE: We still decided to use pull-ups for nights and for when we were outside of the home. I don't think she really knew the difference since they go on the same way.
Back to the first day. We continue the potty time and observation time. Now, when Millie peed the underwear would obviously be soaked. This time I would say pretend to be discusted and say "Oh, Millie...yuck, wet underwear. Yuck, Millie". I showed her they were wet. Changed her without saying anything else and put on dry underwear. I would again show her how nice and dry her underwear were. Periodically, through out the day, I would touch her underwear with her hand and say "Wow Millie! Nice dry Underwear. You are doing a good job keeping them dry."
During the nights, we put on a pull-up.
Onto Step Four...
Step Two - Leave the Diapers Behind
Ok, so the first day of no work, no daycare and potty training!
I figured the first challenge was that we need to teach Millie what pee and poo was. How would she even know if it was always hidden in her diaper?
On the first day, after she got up I did not dress her and left her wearing only a t-shirt. If it is winter, turn up the heat! No underwear, no pants, no diaper, no socks. I started giving her a mix of orange juice and water (a real treat in our house). She loved it and drank lots.
Good start since it means she had to pee lots. We stayed most of the morning in a room with a hardwood floor. Easy to mop up and I was able to watch her. I wanted to catch her peeing. Outside would work pretty good too!
When she would pee, I would say "peepee" Millie, "peepee". Before picking it up, we would look at the pee puddle and identify it as "peepee". I did not act excited, nor angry. Just matter-of-fact as if we were talking about a book, a chair or a dog. I would pick it up with a cloth and a mop, and we would continue playing.
At the same time, I started to implement "potty time" and "observation time". :-) Here is what this meant to us:
Potty Time - It is not too much to ask for a child to sit still for 2 minutes. Think about a car ride. They are strapped in their car seats for much longer than that. It is not cruel, it is necessary. Same thing for potty time.
We started making Millie sit on her potty for 2 minutes every half hour. I would say "potty time" and sit her on her potty and start the timer. Sometimes she would scream and kick. I would still put her on the potty. Sometimes she would scream the whole 2 minutes. Didn't matter. Like a time-out. She was only done when either the timer went off, or she peed.
She got used to it and would just sit and wait for the timer. I would often give her a book to help pass the time, but tried not to play with her too much. I didn't want her to think the potty was a game.
IMPORTANT - In this first step, although it would have been great had she gone, the goal of potty time was just to get her used to the idea of sitting on the potty regularily and that it is a part of life. NOT TO ACTUALLY PEE! It took us 4 days before she did her first pee in the potty.
Observation Time - Everytime either Gino or I would go to the toilet, we would bring Millie's potty and Millie into the bathroom with us. We would have her watch as we peed or poo'd into the toilet. We called it the big potty and would then show her the little potty. Everytime, we would explain that pees and poos are supposed to go into the potty. She loved watching the pees and poos go into the water. We would then flush and say goodbye to the pees and poos.
Some people might be shy about this idea, but we weren't. Afterall, she is too young to remember and it is an important learning step.
On to Step Three
I figured the first challenge was that we need to teach Millie what pee and poo was. How would she even know if it was always hidden in her diaper?
On the first day, after she got up I did not dress her and left her wearing only a t-shirt. If it is winter, turn up the heat! No underwear, no pants, no diaper, no socks. I started giving her a mix of orange juice and water (a real treat in our house). She loved it and drank lots.
Good start since it means she had to pee lots. We stayed most of the morning in a room with a hardwood floor. Easy to mop up and I was able to watch her. I wanted to catch her peeing. Outside would work pretty good too!
When she would pee, I would say "peepee" Millie, "peepee". Before picking it up, we would look at the pee puddle and identify it as "peepee". I did not act excited, nor angry. Just matter-of-fact as if we were talking about a book, a chair or a dog. I would pick it up with a cloth and a mop, and we would continue playing.
At the same time, I started to implement "potty time" and "observation time". :-) Here is what this meant to us:
Potty Time - It is not too much to ask for a child to sit still for 2 minutes. Think about a car ride. They are strapped in their car seats for much longer than that. It is not cruel, it is necessary. Same thing for potty time.
We started making Millie sit on her potty for 2 minutes every half hour. I would say "potty time" and sit her on her potty and start the timer. Sometimes she would scream and kick. I would still put her on the potty. Sometimes she would scream the whole 2 minutes. Didn't matter. Like a time-out. She was only done when either the timer went off, or she peed.
She got used to it and would just sit and wait for the timer. I would often give her a book to help pass the time, but tried not to play with her too much. I didn't want her to think the potty was a game.
IMPORTANT - In this first step, although it would have been great had she gone, the goal of potty time was just to get her used to the idea of sitting on the potty regularily and that it is a part of life. NOT TO ACTUALLY PEE! It took us 4 days before she did her first pee in the potty.
Observation Time - Everytime either Gino or I would go to the toilet, we would bring Millie's potty and Millie into the bathroom with us. We would have her watch as we peed or poo'd into the toilet. We called it the big potty and would then show her the little potty. Everytime, we would explain that pees and poos are supposed to go into the potty. She loved watching the pees and poos go into the water. We would then flush and say goodbye to the pees and poos.
Some people might be shy about this idea, but we weren't. Afterall, she is too young to remember and it is an important learning step.
On to Step Three
Step One - preparation
There are obviously some tools needed and some preparation. Here are the preparation steps we went through:
1) Scheduled a week off from work/daycare. In retro-spec, I think we could have done without this step, but it would have just delayed the whole process. Making a commitment and going for it 100% paid off.
2) Got a little potty. We wanted one small enough that Millie could sit on it by herself and that it didn't slide when she tried to sit on it. We used a rubber veggie drawer liner ($1 at walmart) to keep it from slipping. The ikea potties ($3) turned out to be amazing!! We have 2 of them.
3) Picked up some really nice flashy stickers (little ones) from the dollar store and hid them away.
4) Bought 20 pairs of underwear. Seriously, and still didn't have enough in the first couple of days. Small investement though considering the price of diapers.
5) When changing diapers we started to look discusted (do not laugh) by what we found. We would say "Ehhh, Wet Millie. Thats yucky." Or, "Ehhh, yuck Millie, smelly diaper. Thats not nice." Then continue to change the diaper without anyother emotion. I think it was particulary important to stop giving any special attention during this time. No anger, just don't say anything else and get the job done.
6) At the same time, we started showing the concepts of "wet" and "dry". Show a dry washcloth, then a wet one a couple of times a day. Any chance we had we would show her the concepts - for example - how a puddle is wet, how the sidewalk beside is dry, etc.
It was now time to get started.
1) Scheduled a week off from work/daycare. In retro-spec, I think we could have done without this step, but it would have just delayed the whole process. Making a commitment and going for it 100% paid off.
2) Got a little potty. We wanted one small enough that Millie could sit on it by herself and that it didn't slide when she tried to sit on it. We used a rubber veggie drawer liner ($1 at walmart) to keep it from slipping. The ikea potties ($3) turned out to be amazing!! We have 2 of them.
3) Picked up some really nice flashy stickers (little ones) from the dollar store and hid them away.
4) Bought 20 pairs of underwear. Seriously, and still didn't have enough in the first couple of days. Small investement though considering the price of diapers.
5) When changing diapers we started to look discusted (do not laugh) by what we found. We would say "Ehhh, Wet Millie. Thats yucky." Or, "Ehhh, yuck Millie, smelly diaper. Thats not nice." Then continue to change the diaper without anyother emotion. I think it was particulary important to stop giving any special attention during this time. No anger, just don't say anything else and get the job done.
6) At the same time, we started showing the concepts of "wet" and "dry". Show a dry washcloth, then a wet one a couple of times a day. Any chance we had we would show her the concepts - for example - how a puddle is wet, how the sidewalk beside is dry, etc.
It was now time to get started.
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